Silence of the Ducks
by FishyFloat
Summary: How does the most talkative member of the team handle loosing his voice entirely?
1. Jokes

"Hey, Mallory," Nosedive grinned and tried to get her attention again. "What do you call a pig that knows karate?"

The fuming redhead punched open the door to the rec room in hopes that someone else would be there to distract him. If nobody else was, maybe she could foist his attention off to the television or a video game.

"A pork chop!"

_Just ignore him,_ she silently ordered. _Ignore him and he'll go away._

"How do you shoot a killer bee?"

He just wouldn't stop! Luck was not on her side. Nobody else was in the room. Struggling to maintain control of her temper, she sat down and tried desperately to find some cartoons.

"Use a bee bee gun. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?"

Where did he get these jokes? They were terrible! She could understand a four year old telling them, but they really weren't his usual style.

"Nosedive, I really don't care," she snapped, anger sharpening her words.

"Frostbite! What month do soldiers hate the most?"

"You'll be hating your stomach the most if you don't cut it out." She threw the remote at him and got up to leave.

"March!" He caught the controller and dropped it to the couch as he followed her. "Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of ice?"

"Aagh!" Throwing up her hands, she took off for the kitchen. Dinner should be soon and it was Wildwing's night to cook. He had to be in there.

The obnoxious teenager refused to be denied. "Neither! They both weigh a ton. What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?"

Wildwing stood at the counter, cutting up vegetables. A massive pile of shredded carrots lay next to him. Two large cans of coconut milk and a box of raisins sat next to an empty pot on the stove. "Firecrackers," he answered, not turning around.

"No fair, Wing," he whined. "You already know that one."

Mallory took a seat at the table, grateful for the reprieve. Maybe he'd start annoying his brother instead of her. She could just sit here and wait until he was good and focused on Wildwing, then slip out quietly and be free.

"What you making?" Nosedive leaned backwards on the counter, elbows supporting his weight while he looked over his shoulder at the pile of carrots.

"Halva and Ashe Mast."

Nosedive pretended to gag. "Seriously? Way too bitter, bro."

Mallory smirked quietly to herself, satisfied that she had escaped. Actually, Ashe Mast sounded great. It'd been a while since she'd had the chickpea, rice, and yogurt soup. Some people might not like the mixture of sour and bitter, but she loved the balance of the savory dill and garlic to the tangy yogurt and chickpeas. Wildwing was a pretty good cook too, so she knew dinner was going to be excellent.

"You can make something else if you want to take over. Otherwise, shut up." A mischievous smile softened the harsh words.

Mallory envied Wildwing's ability to tell Nosedive to shut up and actually be listened to. Any time she tried, it was seen as an invitation to be even more annoying.

Shrugging, Nosedive snagged a handful of raisins and pushed away from the counter. Blue eyes sparkling, he once more turned his attention to Mallory. "Why was Cinderella a bad hockey player?"

"Ugh." She let her head hit the table. "Stop. Please." She lightly pounded her forehead on the metallic surface a few more times for emphasis. The self inflicted pain was far preferable to his juvenile humor.

"Because she had a pumpkin for a coach. What do hockey players and magicians have in common?"

"Dive," Wildwing broke in, slightly amused. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to see if Mallory has a sense of humor. She hasn't laughed once!"

"Did you try the mushroom in the bar joke?"

Mallory's head shot up at that and she stared at her team captain in shock and horror. He was actually _encouraging_ this?

"Yeah. She's obviously not a fan of fungi." Smirking, he tried again. "What did the painter say to the wall?"

"One more wise crack and I'll plaster you," she growled. Enough was enough. If Wildwing wasn't going to put a stop to it, she was.

"Hey! You know that one?" He grinned stupidly at her. "Finally. I thought you'd never heard a joke in your life. Want another one?"

"If you don't leave me alone, I swear you won't be able to talk for a week!" Standing tall, she held up a fist for emphasis. When he remained quiet, she turned her back and tried to leave.

"Hey," Wildwing spoke up again. "Why don't you help with dessert?"

Mallory glanced over her shoulder to make sure she wasn't the one he wanted. Sighing in relief, she smiled and returned to the rec room.

_Finally, some peace and quiet._ Nosedive had been following her for the past ten minutes, throwing out one joke after another. He was an unending supply of horrible wisecracks. She doubted even the Chameleon could go that long without repeating himself. Flipping through the channels, she tried to find something good to watch.

_What do hockey players and magicians have in common?_ Damn him. Nosedive hadn't given her the punchline to that one. She sure as hell wasn't going to ask. Maybe Duke knew…


	2. Dinner

**AN:** (05/21/2014) I really have no idea where this story is going or how long it will be. It's pretty much just me playing with group dynamics. I love to throw a monkey wrench into things and seeing how characters will react! While I typically post long, multi-scened chapters, this story is going to be posted as I write it; which means, you'll probably end up with single scene chapters like these two. Hope you enjoy a little more of Nosedive being obnoxious. Next chapter is where the drama starts.

* * *

"So, this freak keeps saying he knows what they did to me," Nosedive laughed and rolled his eyes. He carried a large plate of warmed pitas to the table and set them next to the still steaming pot of Ashe Mast.

Wildwing nodded absentmindedly, only half paying attention to his brother. He had no idea what had gotten into Nosedive, but he hadn't shut up once in the past half hour. No wonder Mallory had been desperate to get rid of him! Still, he was used to it. There were just times when Nosedive got wound up and needed to work off some steam.

A half hidden smile began to form as the leader recalled numerous times he and Canard would send Nosedive on completely made up quests just to get him to shut up for a while. It was amazing that he still fell for the missions after the time they had him hunting for a purple tailed skreet on a camping trip. Four hours, an inadvertent swim in a half frozen river, and two miles later, an exhausted and silent nine-year-old Nosedive had given up.

"Dude, are you even listening to me?"

"Hm?" Wildwing glanced over his shoulder before returning his attention to the pot of boiling sujuk. Satisfied with the thickness, he added walnuts and began pouring the grape dessert into a glass dish to cool.

"Yeah, yeah," Nosedive scoffed. "Ignore your adorable little brother. It's not like I'm not used to it." He took a closer look at Wildwing. "What's that smirk for?"

"Purple tailed skreet."

"What?" Tanya asked as she entered. "What's a skreet?" She began gathering dishes and setting the table.

"Totally the coolest creature on Puckworld," Nosedive enthused. "You can only find them in the Taftan Mountains. They're about the size of a fist and furry. Plus, they have really good hearing; so, you have to be super quiet when hunting them. The rarest ones have purple tails; but, most are blue."

The team tech frowned as she set another plate on the table. "I don't believe you." Zoology may not be one of her areas of interest, but she grew up fairly close to the Taftans and knew all of the local flora and fauna. Even if it was a rare animal, she was sure she'd know about it.

"They're real! Wing and Canard helped me find one when we went camping in the Taftan Mountains. I wanted to keep it, but Dad said they ate too much."

Tanya glanced over at Wildwing for confirmation. His shoulders were shaking with barely contained laughter and he kept avoiding eye contact. There were plenty of times when she couldn't tell if the white drake was being serious or joking; this wasn't one of them.

"Hah! Good one," Tanya laughed. "You almost had me."

"Sorry, Dive," Wildwing chuckled. "You're the only one crazy enough to fall for that." He gave the viscous, dark purple liquid in the pan a few hard whacks on the counter to flatten it and set it aside.

Grin and Duke came in together, deep in discussion about if the brother on Everybody Loves Raymond sounded exactly like Grin or not. They each took their seats and continued their debate.

"Hey," Nosedive looked around. "Where's Mallory? I've got a few more jokes for her."

"Better lay off the jokes for a while, baby bro." Wildwing left the dessert alone and took his seat at the head of the table. "I think she was ready to tape your beak shut."

Nosedive sighed and sat to his brother's right, beak resting in hand. He half heartedly reached for the pitas, only to have Duke snatch the plate away with a devious grin.

"Gotta be faster than that," the former thief teased, piling three onto his plate before stretching to hand it over Mallory's empty seat and to Grin.

"Speed is not everything." Grin added several to his plate before handing it off to Tanya.

Tanya smirked at Nosedive as she took her share. Seeing that Duke had already scooped some of the ashe mast into his bowl, she passed the plate diagonally to the gray drake instead of Nosedive. Duke eagerly took it, keeping the flat bread away from the youngest duck.

"Come on, guys," Nosedive complained. "Gimme."

"Gimme?" Wildwing raised an eyebrow. "You're talking like a four year old now?"

"He talks as much as one," Duke remarked, dipping his pita into the white soup. "Whoa," he coughed and poured himself a glass of water. "That's bitter."

"Told ya," Nosedive boasted. He instantly jumped up and grabbed a jar of honey from the cabinet.

Wildwing rolled his eyes and tossed a single pita onto Nosedive's plate before handing the dish back to Duke. "It is not!"

"Actually, it kind of is," Tanya agreed. She patiently waited for Nosedive to finish covering his bread with the golden liquid before holding out a hand to take the jar from him.

The teen pretended not to see Tanya asking for the honey and slid it to Mallory's empty seat. He'd let them fight over who got it next.

Duke tried to snatch the jar, but Grin grasped his hand firmly. "As I said, speed is not everything," the giant reminded, lightly squeezing Duke's hand.

"Didn't really want it anyway," Duke muttered, giving in.

Grin handed the jar to Tanya and let her sweeten the strongly flavored soup before using it himself.

Mallory finally decided to show up for dinner. She quietly took her seat between Duke and Grin. Dishing out some of the soup and pita for herself, she tried to ignore the fact that Nosedive was sitting at the same table.

"Ey, there's this exhibit at the museum I was thinkin' of checking out- Swords of the World. Anyone else wanta come?"

"Maybe," Wildwing nodded. "When were you thinking of going?"

"Tomorrow. Tuesday, if somethin' gets in the way."

"That sounds like something you might like, Mallory," Tanya prodded. "What with it being ancient weapons and all."

"Yeah," Duke agreed. "You should come, sweetheart!"

"Yeah, right," Mallory snorted. "Duke'll keep going back to the same display over and over and we'll be stuck there all day."

"Could go to The Powder Room after," the one eyed duck encouraged. He knew she couldn't resist a trip to the shooting range and firearms supply store.

"Oh?" She chewed her soup soaked pita thoughtfully. "You're on. If," she stressed, "You buy me a box of ammo for every sword you go back to look at again. And if you go through the exhibit twice, I get a box for every one on display."

"Deal."

"I'll be counting."

"Did I tell you guys about the whacked out loon I met at the mall today?" Nosedive interrupted, taking over the conversation.

"No," Duke shrugged. "Sounds interesting."

"Okay, so, I was hanging at Captain Comics, chatting it up with Thrash and Mook when this totally crazy guy bursts in and hides behind the Demon Destroyer of Darkar rack." He began relating the tale with a speed matched only by his wrist shot.

Mallory sighed inwardly. Here we go again. His voice once again pounded on her already irritated nerves. Try as she might, his yammering kept pulling her attention away from her food.

"I mean, his hair was crazy! It stood out everywhere," his arms went wide in exaggerated demonstration. "Seriously, it made Tanya's look fashionable."

"Hey!" Tanya jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow. "This keeps it out of my face when I'm working, thank you very much."

"Whatever." He continued, completely unphased by the interruption. "Anyway, after buying like, half the KitKat's in the store, he bumps into me on his way out. I know what they did to you, he whispered to me like I had any idea what he was talking about. Then this giganto bundle of paper falls out of his back pocket and I followed him outside to give them back and he ran into an alley and-"

"For crying out loud!" Mallory exclaimed. "Do you even stop to breathe?"

Silence quickly filled the galley as everyone stared at Mallory. Outbursts from her weren't unusual, but there wasn't anything obvious to provoke this one. Nosedive always shared crazy stories about whatever he'd been doing.

"What?" she demanded, not caring for their looks of shock and surprise. "He never shuts up! It's a constant stream of nonsense. Doesn't it bother anyone else?"

Drake One's alarm forcefully destroyed the silence and overrode any comments they might have made.

Tanya checked her Omnitool to see what had set it off. "There's been a break in at the museum."

"Damn it," Duke growled, looking dejectedly at his half-finished dinner. "Can't we just let the police take care of it?"

"No," Wildwing sighed. "Dr. Droid could be after the Crystal of Atlantis again." He grabbed the pot of soup and shoved it into the refrigerator.

"We should start eating out of Tupperware," Nosedive joked.

"Looks like we'll all get to investigate that sword exhibit," Tanya teased as they jogged down the hallway to the Migrator.

In a matter of minutes, they burst out of the secret entrance to the Pond and sped away to the Natural History Museum of Anaheim.


End file.
